We are currently living in a Global Pandemic. COVID-19 has turned our lives upside down as we self-isolate, practice social distancing, work from home, and have our children with us 24/7. Children have experienced the loss of school, as they knew it, and a disconnect from friends, family and extracurricular activities. They have also witnessed the fear, worry, and uncertainty that many adults in their lives are experiencing. As the reality of this ‘new normal’ sets in, it is likely that children are themselves experiencing anxiety and fear.
If your child is becoming more emotional and perhaps acting out a little more, be assured that they are right where they need to be! A pattern I’ve witnessed over and over again with children is their uncanny ability to keep it together when adults are in turmoil and then, just when you think things are going well, they show signs of unrest!
When adults are confused and uncertain, it’s a scary place for children. They work hard at holding it together (subconsciously, of course), but once the adults have some sense of stability, it becomes safe for children to unravel a little, and show their own emotions. We all have had situations where we are espousing ‘how well the kids are doing’ only to see them burst into tears or melt down over a seemingly insignificant event.
Is this sounding familiar? Even when we are dealing with our own difficulties, it’s important to see our children’s behaviour and emotions as a form of communication and ask ourselves, “what is my child trying to tell me right now?”. Take a step back, breathe, and use the four steps below to support your child when they are dealing with anxiety and fear.
4 Ways To Help Your Child Deal With Anxiety & Fear
#1 Validate
It’s difficult to see or even think that our children are not doing well and experiencing anxiety or fear. We desperately want to protect them from hurt and make everything okay. In doing this, we may inadvertently minimize our child’s feelings or emotions.
It’s important that children have their feelings and emotions validated. This allows them to make sense of how they are feeling and connect the dots to what’s happening around them. Here are some examples of common validations:
- “Yes, this is a scary time for you and for all of us”
- “It’s okay to be worried or sad about what is happening”
- “Yes, it’s hard to not have your friends around like you use to”
- “You’re right, this is tough for you”
#2 Relate
Once you have validated a child’s feelings, relate them to your own feelings. Let your child know that you have had the same or similar feelings.
It is comforting for them to know that they are not alone and that even adults have these feelings. Provide support and empathy. This short video clip from Brene Brown is a great example of what empathy sounds like.
#3 Reassure
Your child needs your reassurance that it’s okay to have big feelings and it’s okay to talk about them. They also need reassurance that you will get through this together and that you are there for them.
If you can, remind them of a time when they came through some big emotions in the past, like the loss of a pet, a big move, or difficulties with peers. Work together to uncover what helped them in these situations and how they could do similar things now.
#4 Give Control
Fear and worry are like yellow lights in our brain—telling us to be cautious of possible danger ahead. Fear and worry emerge when we are looking for safety.
There are several things you can do to help your child feel safe during uncertain times. Our brains love rituals, routines, and predictability—three great ways to calm the fear. Help your child to take control of the things that are within their sphere of control by including them in the following:
1. Setting Daily Routines
Get their input on the daily schedule, how it should look and what should be included. Click here for some Daily Schedule templates.
2. Maintaining Predictability
Make sure your child always knows what’s coming next. Make them aware of any changes to the daily schedule or things that might change throughout the day. Give them a heads up if you are leaving the house for work, groceries, or other reasons and let them know when to expect you back.
3. Establishing Weekly Rituals
Rituals are very grounding and comforting for children and adults. Give them something to look forward to, like Friday movie and pizza night, taco Tuesday, or games night.
Help Support Your Child In Challenging Times
Children are as resilient as the adults who support them, so it’s important that part of supporting your child is also taking care of yourself—both physically and emotionally. Model for your children the importance of self-care and include them in preparing healthy meals/snacks, daily exercise, good sleep habits, and social connection through technology.
Check in with your child often and ask them how they are doing. When in doubt, ask them “are you okay?”. You might be quite surprised how this tiny question can open up communication.
As difficult as this situation is for adults, it’s especially confusing and difficult for our children. Allow them to have their emotions and journey through them together.
If you have ongoing concerns for your child’s mental health and/or would like to talk further about the above strategies, reach out and connect by contacting me for a free 45 min online/phone consult or connect with the following resources:
Ann-Marie Deas, M.S.W., R.S.W., R.H.& L.C.
Ann-Marie is a registered Social Worker and Health & Life Coach with over 30 years experience in School Social Work and Children’s Mental Health. She is the founder of ‘Sound Living – Transformational Coaching, Counselling, and Consulting’ and can be reached here.